Star Trek: The Great Rewatching Marathon Page 2

Star Trek: The Monotonous Picture

Kirk and crew reunite after many years being lost in the wilderness. Approximately 45 minutes of plot, 30 minutes of ship porn, and 1 hour of reaction shots.

Geoff: It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this movie. I now remember why. It’s not that TMP is “bad” it’s that it’s boring. And honestly, that’s far worse. I’m not sure what Robert Wise (director) or Harold Livingston (writer) were thinking. Sure, if you dive into the history of the troubled process of getting this movie made, and even more troubled production, a lot of why this movie is the way it is becomes clear. None of that matters. What matters is on the screen, and what’s on the screen is… brutal. The scene of Kirk going over to the Enterprise in drydock goes on for 10 minutes, without dialog. 10. Minutes. Then there’s entering V’Ger… 20 minutes without dialog (roughly). Nothing but reaction shots and OK special effects. It’s not that this movie has pacing issues compared to modern movies, it has pacing issues compared to contemporary movies. Take any 10 minutes of Star Wars, which came out 2 years earlier, and you’ve moved the story along several times.

Anyway, whatever. There are other Star Trek movies I dislike more than this one, but boring me for over 2 hours is way worse. Never again.

Rank: 13th

Carolina:To quote William Shatner, after he saw the movie for the first time: "Well, that's it. We gave it our best shot, it wasn't good, and it will never happen again." I am in complete and utter shock that this movie ever got a sequel and that this is the first movie that would start out a long line of the biggest sci-fi properties.

There's no urgency to the mission, there's no excitement, the pace is ungodly slow, some scenes go on forever without anything happening, it's a bad introduction to these beloved characters, it's an insult to the fans who've been waiting 12 years to see these characters again, and I doubt this movie brought new fans to the property,

Now to be fair, there are some good scenes, I would never expect less from legendary director Robert Wise. There are some great shots here and there, but that does not save the story. You would think that at the end the payoff would be good, but it's like something from the Twilight Zone. I don't think that's an accident. According to some sources, the script was originally going to be a two-parter episode for a relaunch of Star Trek, I can see that if you trim the fat and have more character moments you have an ok episode, but this story is not meant for the silver screen.

This movie's biggest crime is being too boring. In the end, this is one Star Trek movie you can skip.

Rank: 13th

Picture Quality: A lot of soft images, quite obviously not filmed on expensive or large stock. The split diopter shots do not hold up to HD and large home theater viewings. Really distracting and weird.

hk2000's picture

You cannot lump the so-called reboot with the rest of 'em, so they are last and not necessarily 11th, 12th and 13th, but last to anything based on the original timeline upon which all of the series that followed are based.The so called parallel universe or whatever reasoning they use to change the timeline completely destroyed any chance of those movies to be legitimately considered "Star Trek' movies. So there are 10 movies, really That I would order as follows

10- The Motion Picture- I still don't get it.
9- Final frontier- The idea is ridiculous
8- Generations- A great idea that was wasted- on so many levels.
7- Nemesis- Another great poorly done.
6- The Undiscovered Country- Well made and entertaining, but I sort of agreed with the "Villains"!
5- First Contact- Using the Zefram Cochrane character from "Metamorphosis" just worked.
4- The Search for Spock- The hocus-pocus ending had to happen, I guess!
3- Insurrection- Very entertaining, and dare I say, deep.
2- The Journey Home- Lighthearted entertainment.
1- Wrath of Khan- Probably the best sequel to a TV episode ever.

I won't dignify any of the new movies by ranking them here.

mikem's picture

Only one question. Why on earth would you consciously submit yourself to such a fiasco? If you were able to sit through the worst acting performances ever, Hayden Christionsen being the worst, you are indeed a better than I 'Gunga Din.'

sleepyninja's picture

'Star Trek: Beyond' at the #2 & #4 position? Really? I found it too action-centric, and the humor, dialog, and aliens uninspired, and would place it along with the Shatner-directed 'Final Frontier' travesty near the bottom of the barrel. With that said, I'm certainly not optimisic for the next installment with Justin Lin at the helm again.

Geoffrey Morrison's picture
I think I was still suffering from a Nemesis hangover. The lighter tone was so welcome.
David Vaughn's picture
Geoff, I liked it as well. It's a fun movie and I loved all of the humor.
thehun's picture

I guess I'm the only one who likes S.T. 1 despite it's obvious flaws. The long musical scenes and V'ger's exploration is a clear [to me anyway]"wink" at 2001 ASO,in style not thematically, and how Hollywood used to make "epics". Anyway I never found those scenes boring, and in retrospect it fits for the first movie, and to [re]introduce the entire ST world to larger audiences.
As for Beyond, I agree with it's detractors, that is among the worst the franchise has given us so far.

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larrymartin's picture

Boldly went where no moviegoer has gone before. Your detailed setup for the marathon and the collaborative ranking process make this a fun read. I am curious which one took the bottom spot for you both.
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