Star Trek: The Great Rewatching Marathon Page 7

Star Trek IX: No Kissing!

Picard and crew discover the Fountain of Youth, need to protect it from some people who want to save millions of lives.

Geoff: This movie is better than I remember. It’s a small story, but an interesting one. It would have made a good episode, maybe even a two-parter. Not amazing, but not bad. I think it gets a bad wrap because it is a lot smaller and slower than the movies on either side.

It’s brought down by a few too many “Oh come on” moments, like the joystick that rises from the floor or the absolute ban on kissing for some reason (seriously, bizarre). And if Geordi’s eyes are re-growing, what about Picard’s heart or Worf’s spine? I don’t mean these need to be subplots, but there’s a lot of little things that just keep adding up.

I don’t have much to stay, honestly. It’s not bad, it’s just not good either.

Rank: 7th

Carolina: It isn’t the worst movie I've seen out of the whole collection, but it certainly feel like one long episode, or maybe a two-parter (amusingly, we wrote our reviews completely separately -Geoff). This is because there are interesting themes touched on, such as immortality and vengeance, but it doesn’t really translate that well into a full film. If you just cut about 30 minutes and there you have it. That's an easy job to do, since there are scenes included just to stretch out the running time.

Strangely enough, there are a couple of romantic scenes that really don't amount to much. In the end we don't even get a kiss when the scene calls for it. I've seen more action in Doctor Who, and that's a kids show.

There are weird editing transitions I don't agree with, and sometimes there's no buffering between scenes to indicate that some time has passed.

This movie is harmless. It's not bad, but it's also not particularly great either. It's the equivalent of fast food: not good for you but you still like it.

Rank: 8th

COMMENTS
hk2000's picture

You cannot lump the so-called reboot with the rest of 'em, so they are last and not necessarily 11th, 12th and 13th, but last to anything based on the original timeline upon which all of the series that followed are based.The so called parallel universe or whatever reasoning they use to change the timeline completely destroyed any chance of those movies to be legitimately considered "Star Trek' movies. So there are 10 movies, really That I would order as follows

10- The Motion Picture- I still don't get it.
9- Final frontier- The idea is ridiculous
8- Generations- A great idea that was wasted- on so many levels.
7- Nemesis- Another great poorly done.
6- The Undiscovered Country- Well made and entertaining, but I sort of agreed with the "Villains"!
5- First Contact- Using the Zefram Cochrane character from "Metamorphosis" just worked.
4- The Search for Spock- The hocus-pocus ending had to happen, I guess!
3- Insurrection- Very entertaining, and dare I say, deep.
2- The Journey Home- Lighthearted entertainment.
1- Wrath of Khan- Probably the best sequel to a TV episode ever.

I won't dignify any of the new movies by ranking them here.

mikem's picture

Only one question. Why on earth would you consciously submit yourself to such a fiasco? If you were able to sit through the worst acting performances ever, Hayden Christionsen being the worst, you are indeed a better than I 'Gunga Din.'

sleepyninja's picture

'Star Trek: Beyond' at the #2 & #4 position? Really? I found it too action-centric, and the humor, dialog, and aliens uninspired, and would place it along with the Shatner-directed 'Final Frontier' travesty near the bottom of the barrel. With that said, I'm certainly not optimisic for the next installment with Justin Lin at the helm again.

Geoffrey Morrison's picture
I think I was still suffering from a Nemesis hangover. The lighter tone was so welcome.
David Vaughn's picture
Geoff, I liked it as well. It's a fun movie and I loved all of the humor.
thehun's picture

I guess I'm the only one who likes S.T. 1 despite it's obvious flaws. The long musical scenes and V'ger's exploration is a clear [to me anyway]"wink" at 2001 ASO,in style not thematically, and how Hollywood used to make "epics". Anyway I never found those scenes boring, and in retrospect it fits for the first movie, and to [re]introduce the entire ST world to larger audiences.
As for Beyond, I agree with it's detractors, that is among the worst the franchise has given us so far.

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