CES 2017

When the zombies attack, the most important thing is to have your playlist cranking. In particular, if your list is heavy with Abba, the zombies will fearfully run away and attack someone else. Thus, the good news is that you are saved. The bad news is that you have to listen to Abba. All of which brings us to the Ion Survival Rocker.

It is very important for a piece of survival gear to look rugged. The Survival Rocker looks rugged. You’ll need to monitor zombie alerts via a variety of radio bands. The Survival Rocker tunes to AM, FM, shortwave, and NOAA weather bands. Of course, you also need an internal rechargeable battery. Check. And you need a solar panel is help recharge it. Check. Finally, because the End of Days might be cloudy (bad for solar power), you’ll need hand-cranked dynamo generator. Check. When I said you’d want your playlist cranking, I wasn’t kidding.

Of course, you’ll also need an AC inverter preferably with 2 AC outlets, and 2 USB charging ports. Check. To enjoy your Abba, you’ll need 100 watts of audio power. Check.

How much would you pay to survive a zombie apocalypse? How about $300? The bad news: the Survival Rocker won’t be available until later this Spring. If the zombies attack sooner, you are SOL. Whatever you do, don’t play Adele. Zombies love Adele.