SPARTAN Boxer Briefs Keep Wireless Funk from Affecting Your Junk

Here’s a brief rundown on the most unusual piece of clothing I’ve seen so far at CES 2017. From SPARTAN, the new SPARTAN Boxer Brief is the underwear for the 21st Century connected man.

The problem with all of our cool electronic gadgets that keep us connected, entertained, and constantly bumping into people as we try to text and walk, is that they often silently cause damage to some of the most sensitive parts of our bodies. SPARTAN says, “a number of major scientific institutions around the world have raised alarms over the harmful effects of wireless radiation, on male fertility especially.” [See below for references.]

Rather than sit on their duffs and let their jewels soak up the radiation being emitted by various cell phones and laptop computers sitting on (where else but?) their laps, the SPARTAN folks developed “an high-tech fabric by incorporating silver fibers into our cotton weave, which together act as an electromagnetic shielding.” Essentially, the SPARTAN designers have created a wearable Faraday cage for a man’s manhood.

The SPARTAN Boxer Brief is made from cotton with anti-bacterial silver fibers. (Over one-third of the total fiber count is from silver fibers.) While the anti-bacterial properties of the design is a nice bonus, the most important aspect of the design is that the Briefs block over 99 percent of mobile phone- and Wi-Fi-related radiations. Unless you were to look on the inside of the Briefs, you’d never know that they were a special tool for the preservation of future generations. SPARTAN says they fit the same as or better than POU (Plain Old Underwear).

Additional designs are expected to appear later in the year, including a true “briefs” version of the underwear. When asked, they indicated they were looking into creating radiation-rejecting underwear for women. Protecting your Willie from Wi-Fi isn’t cheap, though. A single pair sells for $44.24 (plus shipping), or you can order multipacks starting at $83.21 (for a two pack.)

There’s controversy over the health effects of long-term exposure to electromagnetic radiation; but, if you’re interested in specific research on radiation and its potential effects on men’s junk and men’s ability to do their half of the conception connection, here are links to a few online resources.

Michaela's picture

Until these briefs add real-time monitoring of their position through a graphic app on my smartphone, I won't be putting them through the wash anytime soon.