Ken C. Pohlmann

A couple of days ago, I was sitting in my home theater listening to some music—a recording of Beethoven’s 6th Symphony, actually—and it hit me: The symphony orchestra is the greatest analog audio playback machine ever invented.

Suppose you had a perfectly fine bucket. As you poured water into your bucket, you marveled at the way it perfectly held the water. Then one day a miscreant drilled a hole in your bucket, and put his own bucket under yours. No matter how fast you pour water into your bucket, it inevitably streams out the bottom. To make it even more frustrating, the hole just keeps getting bigger and bigger. All of which brings us to sales of DVD and Blu-ray.

You are in a real pickle. You've borrowed money for your project, and persuaded other people to invest their money as well. Everyone expects a return. The product is finished and ready to launch. Then there is a delay. Then another delay. And another. Everyone is getting antsy. What should you do?

I am not making this up. Let me repeat: I am not making this up. The latest plastic surgery trend in China is elf ears. I am trying to decide whether or not I should get elf ears.