Alert readers will recall that I recently heaped praises on TeslaMic, an in-car karaoke technology that gives Tesla owners the opportunity to unleash their inner Mick Jagger. Now, unfortunately, it's time for some Tesla scorn, courtesy of our Federal overlords.
Many years ago, I would ride my bicycle to the neighborhood record store, lean it against the window (no need to padlock), spend an enjoyable hour lipping through LPs, pick one out, and buy it (cash, of course). I would then slip it into my backpack and ride home, put the needle in the groove, and enjoy the sound of my purchase. Oh, how times have changed. In particular, the cool kids are now buying music as non-fungible tokens (NFT).
I have bad news for you. Really bad news. The TeslaMic is sold out. I know – it is soul crushing. Your dreams of karaoke world domination have been shattered.
Serious question: Why do dogs like to stick their heads out of car windows? That question has haunted philosophers for centuries and unfortunately I don't have an answer either. But someway, somehow, it is part of the same mystery of why humans really like to listen to music while driving.
The year is 1969. I am sitting in front of my family’s TV watching live black-and-white video from the moon. High-definition TV is still science fiction, but in the blurry picture I can see Neil Armstrong descend the ladder and step onto the lunar surface. In the middle of the transmission, I walk outside and look up at the moon, waxing crescent, thoroughly amazed that for the first time people are up there looking back at me. Now, almost a lifetime later, we are preparing to go back to the moon. Just writing that sentence gives me goosebumps.
Back in the day when they served economy-class meals on airplanes, I actually thought the food tasted pretty good. That is a sad commentary on the quality of the cuisine I cooked for myself at home. Now, you're lucky to get a 0.7-oz bag of delicious Party Mix. On the other hand, the on-board video quality will soon be looking good.
Girlfriend, I feel for you, I really do. Why can't people just accept the fact that you are a music genius? You know why they hate you? It's because they can't be you. If you win the case, they'll say you are banal, uncreative, and unoriginal. And if you lose the case, you will have plagiarized and have to pay tons of $$$ damages. It's just not fair.
One could argue that Beethoven's 9th symphony represents the very pinnacle of Western culture. Since then, has any other artist produced a work that equaled its restless and joyful expression? How could even Beethoven himself have improved on its perfection? After the 9th, would he have even dared to write another symphony? Well, yes, he would. And that brings us to the question of Beethoven's 10th symphony.
I usually don’t talk to myself, but the other day I was sitting down to my favorite breakfast, a stack of delicious Eggo buttermilk waffles, and I exclaimed out loud, “Man, I need to buy some more syrup!” Later that day, browsing on my PC, I got a pop-up ad for Vermont maple syrup. I exclaimed, “Wow! What a coincidence!” And then my life spiraled out of control.
Hang on a minute while I check my receiver's front panel..... Okay — as I suspected, it doesn't have a switch that limits the amount of time I can spend listening to music.
I hate Covid. You hate Covid. We all hate Covid. But we love home theater. That creates the circumstances for an interesting scenario that economists refer to as “revenge spending.”
Money, get away
Get a good job with good pay and you're okay
Money, it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
New car, caviar, four star daydream
Think I'll buy me a football team
What sound does a cow make? That question should not stump you. What sound does a car make? That question is more difficult. For example, Vroom Vroom, or Hmmmm? Or maybe, Ta-Da! Increasingly, the sound a car makes is entirely up to the automaker, and you.
Readers will recall, distressingly, that I have tried their patience on just about every topic that marginally relates to audio. LP grooves, CD bumps, flat response, boomy bass, warm recordings, cold binary bits — I have waxed philosophically on all of them. Which bring us to today’s audio topic: gender.