Sex, Surveys, and Your Home Theater

Having nothing better to do with their time after installing FlatTVs with Ambilight technology in George Clooney's (and other cast members') Hotel de Russie hotel room so he (and they) could live better than the average bear while filming the new "Ocean's Twelve", the friendly folks at Philips commissioned Harris Interactive to ask pointed questions about home entertainment of consumers in 13 countries. (Sorry, Iraq wasn't included.) The results of the Philip's Global Home Entertainment Survey are sure to be studied by generations of historians to come for the deep insights they provide into the shallow nature of humans all over the globe.

America, it seems, is a nation of TV junkies. More than half (55% to be exact) of the respondents from the U.S. (of course, most of them had to have the question read to them), said they invite friends and family over to watch TV. (Come on, people, get a life!) It's not much different in Italy, where 53% admitted the same. Evidently we're not outsourcing enough jobs to India, because 52% of respondents there claimed to be similarly socially stunted when it came to figuring out what to do with friends and family. Perhaps most frightening is the fact that 22% of the Americans surveyed said they prefer watching TV alone at home. (The survey doesn't indicated exactly what it is these folks prefer to watch, but I think you can make an educated guess...)

The good news came when savvy surveyors asked the potentially salacious question, "What would you give up for a month for the chance to get a new home theater system for free?" While I would have answered, "Watching Fox News," the majority (47%) of Americans said they'd give up "leisure shopping." ("Leisure shopping"? I give that up every time I see how much I'm making writing these news columns. What kind of an answer is that?) Unbelievably, 45% said they'd give up chocolate (absolutely not - you can have my chocolate after you scrape it from my cold, dead hands), 39% would give up drinking (it's not specified which liquid - "water" would be most impressive), and 32% would give up smoking (something the survey designers obviously didn't do). Now, I'm not a math whiz - or a Cheese Whiz - but it's my guess that people could select more than one answer, which would explain why these numbers don't add up to 100. Sadly 21% of the American population admitted they'd be willing to give up sex for a month to get a free home theater system. (A follow-up survey indicated they probably weren't getting it very often, anyway...) Randy readers might want to consider moving to Spain where only 2% said a free big screen with surround sound was worth going without sex for 30 days, which explains why the Spanish editions of Playboy consistently outsell Home Theater Magazine on foreign newsstands.

If you're reading this, you darn well better know what HDTV is; you're in good company since 96% of survey respondents correctly identified what the acronym means. When asked about their "dream TV", a whopping 78% of Americans chose "large" or "extra large" ("at least 38 inches to 48 inches, or larger) as the size of television screen they most wanted. Several respondents replied "supersize" but changed when reminded the question was not about fast food. "Gigantomongous" was not an available choice, although it certainly is my "dream TV" size.

In almost every country, the majority of respondents said they would watch action movies on their HDTV if they had one - except for in Russia, where respondents said living in Russia was like being in your own action movie. (Russians said they like to watch music videos, although no one has told them yet that MTV isn't available in High Def...)

Finally, 55% of those Americans surveyed said they "like to try the newest products on the market rather than wait for others to try them out first." This stunning finding means that early adopters are the majority in this country - which means they're not really "early" adopters after all. They're just doing what everyone else is doing.

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