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Why I Don't Watch the Oscars

First of all, I think TV is better than movies. Anybody can write a movie script. You need about sixty minutes of material for a two hour movie, and you're done. TV on the other hand, is judged every single week, every single episode, on how well they've woven their pack of lies. It takes a lot of talent to keep a TV series going (Saturday Night Live excepted).

For example, you can stick something illogical in a movie, and chances are people might not pick up on it in the time it takes to go from the action packed opening to the droning orchestral credits. Like Aaron Eckhart's Two Face in The Dark Knight. Generally, I'm a pretty good judge of character, so it's pretty easy for me to spot a two face. You know, you swing around quick, and you see they're rolling their eyes or something, or holding their nose, whatever, it was hot that day. You don't have to wait long, like an hour and a half long, to find out some guy is a two face which is totally unbelievable and unrealistic. But some people are not such a good judge of character, so movie makers get away with this cheap trick stuff all the time!

But TV? Now there's a challenge. I mean, take John Locke walking around an island one day, then stuck in a wood box the next. I mean he's dead, but he isn't. I don't get it. This one is so deep, you can't really argue with them. And what exactly is that smoky thing that sounds like a big chain being ratcheted up? 96 episodes, and I'm still buying it. Now that's real writing. If a Batman movie was released every week, the citizens of Gothem would all be wearing see-through leotards by now, the writing is so bad!

I don't know, I suppose I might feel a little resentment that movie characters get you excited for the short time you're in the theater, but then there's no follow-through after that. They don't call, they don't write. You never really know what happened to them or their families. They leave you hanging. I've got real life for that.

But a good serial, at least until Fox cancels it, now there's something brilliant going on there. Every week, you sit down, wondering if this is the week agent Olivia Dunham will mutate ("Fringe"), if Glenn Close's anger will rise to the bunny boiling stage ("Damages"), or if Chuck ("Chuck") will finally get, well, you know, what Chuck finally needs to get.

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