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A Royal Screwing – Part II!

Last Sunday I blasted Philips for their technology initiatives to confute the human instinct for avoiding unpleasantness in all its forms (i.e. lame TV commercials) in my blog called The Perfect Philips Screwdriver. Apparently, the company did have a statement on their website that I had not been able to find that sought to "clarify" the issue from Philips point of view (thank you Gary Kaye of rave.com for finding it). I don't know about you, but I'm sick of companies and politicians trying to cover up their poo in fragrant roses. I'm going take a few minutes to rub their noses in it.

Before we get started, here's the actual patent from the U.S. Patent offices web site again and here is the newly uncovered pathetic attempt at a cover-up!.

Notice how the patent numbers on both documents match. This is important to note because, beyond that, there is nothing in common between the documents.

The cover-up starts by stating "Inventors from Royal Philips Electronics (Philips) filed a patent application, as yet not granted, that enables watching a television movie without advertising."

Okay – stop right there. Sony and JVC invented a technology that enables watching a television movie without advertising (the lowly VCR) and Tivo and Replay perfected it. Philips is trying to subvert mankind's thirst for technological progress by taking control away from the consumer.

The next sentence in the cover-up is right up with the greatest lies ever told.

"However, some people do want to see the ads."

Who are these people? Where do they live? What is their gross demographic income? Are they considered brand loyal or are they, as a layman might say, just stupid morons? The blaspheme continues.

"So, we developed a system where the viewer can choose, at the beginning of a movie, to either watch the movie without ads, or watch the movie with ads."

Thanks Royal P. We already have that "system" and it's called "free will*" (*patent pending, trademark applied for, don't even think of using it!). Using my "free will" I purchased a Tivo unit. With my "free will" I can fast forward through any of the commercial during a movie – or NOT. Yes, I reserve the right to watch a commercial if I so choose, hence preserving the demographic group Philips seems most interested in coveting – the imbecile.

TV Commercials have a purpose. If I'm looking for a car, I will watch your car commercial. If I'm looking for a hi-def Tivo, I will watch your DVR commercial. If I am making a sandwich, I will let your commercial play while I make the sandwich. It's better than nothing but certainly not better than the sandwich.

I'm not going to bore my readers or myself with the minutia contained in what amounts to the evil plot-a-pending # 20060070095 conspired by a group of capitalist pig "inventors" who never read "How to Gain Friends Without Making Enemies." All I'm going to do is reprint the TITLE and opening sentence of the Abstract (first paragraph) of Patent Application # 20050070095.

TITLE: "Apparatus and method for preventing switching from a channel during an advertisement display"

1st SENTENCE IN ABSTRACT: " An apparatus and method is disclosed for preventing a viewer from switching from a channel when an advertisement is being displayed on the channel."

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury. I rest my case.

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